Destini (bldy_destini) wrote,

End of the World as I know It... mom passed away yesterday. I can't believe that it is real. Sally and I are leaving on the clipper tomorrow afternoon and then flying home from Seattle. neither of us has gotten our passports in the mail yet so we have to take boat, we can't fly into the US. My family of course does not understand why I could not just get there yesterday but...well I can only do what I can do. I kinda fell apart yesterday, Sally worked from home to help me through it. I am not sure how I am now except for numb.

Thank god for the BAM board. Those people have been amazing and have kept my mind off of things today. It sure is easier to bitch about AMC than to think about what I am flying home to. I get to be the bad, gay daughter who moved away. I am just really glad that I had a good visit with my mom just before Christmas when she was in the hospital. She was home and happy at the end and our last conversation was a good one.

I am scared to death to live in the world without my mom. I guess I will have to learn to deal though. I have a life here and a family of my own (if three cats and a dog count as family) and I am sure I will be glad to get home next Wednesday.

We are hoping to take at least one day while we are there to go and look at property so we can decide what area we want to live in when my honey retires. We are hoping to move back to Florida in about 3 years. But if we can find a place before that we can always rent it out till we are ready. Does it seem like I am thinking about anything but my mom right now? I am. I just can't let my mind believe she is really gone. I wonder how long this pain in my chest is going to last? I hope people are understanding when I get back if I am not my normal self for awhile...I am going to need them around make me feel alive. I may post before we go tomorrow or not...
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